notaiden:

I am normally the ‘doom and gloom’ HIV/AIDS guy.  I spend a lot of time with teenagers who think it’s “just a virus” so I have to beat them over the head with scary stats.  This time I’m going to do the opposite.

First things first, relax.  Take a deep breath.  This is not 1982, you won’t die tomorrow.  The average HIV infected person now lives approximately 40 years before their immune system breaks down completely.  That is worlds away from the 1-2 expected years back when HIV was first discovered.  That is more than enough time to have a career, travel, get married, or do whatever it is you want to do. 

Is it still shorter than the 60-ish more years you could have expected?  Yes, but no one is guaranteed that time.  It’s just a guess, just a hope for what we might have if we’re careful and a bit lucky.  For all we know you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.  Or someone could discover a real cure.  Trying to guess will just drive you mad so stop worrying about it.  You have time.  What’s more, you have the knowledge that that time might be limited so you can use it better than most of us will.

Now, practical information.  Use condoms.  It may seem ridiculous now, but it’s important.  You are still at risk for other STIs, things that will further strain your immune system and make your treatment more difficult.  You can also still contract different strains of HIV.  New York is seeing an increase in multi-drug-resistant HIV because people with HIV keep having unprotected sex with other people with HIV thinking there’s nothing to worry about.  That’s not true.  HIV mutates at an incredible rate, it adapts to treatments and makes them ineffective.  After a certain amount of time on a particular drug your strain of the virus will become immune to it.  If you have sex with another person with HIV whose strain is immune to a different drug and contract their version that’s two drugs you can no longer take.  HIV is tricky enough to treat without throwing that in so just use condoms.

Find a support group.  Beyond being helpful psychologically, there are things people with HIV learn as they go along.  Things like which home remedies are good for which medication side effects and what questions to ask when it’s time to see your doctor.  Go, listen, ask questions, and learn.  This is a part of your life now, better to get as much information as you can.

Don’t worry about what other people think.  There are going to be people who think you’re dirty or evil or tainted.  They are wrong.  They are close-minded assholes who you don’t need to bother with.  There is absolutely nothing about having HIV that makes you an inherently lesser person than anyone else.  I don’t care if you got it because you were shooting up and fucking 20 people a night every night from the time you discovered sex.  That still wouldn’t make you a bad person.  A bit naive, maybe, but not bad.  You are a person and you are just as worthy of love and respect and kindness as anyone else.

Speaking of love, there will be people who find out and decide they can’t be with you.  That is their issue.  People tend to think that just because someone doesn’t say they’re positive it automatically means they’re negative.  It’s not at all true, but we’re human and we make stupid assumptions.  Don’t waste your time worrying about them.  Educate them if you’re up to it, but mostly focus on the people who recognise that knowing you’re positive just means they know you’re positive.  There are people (both with and without HIV) who won’t give a damn about your sero-status.  Like anyone else we can be great or we can be assholes, but we do exist.

Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t decide to be with a person just because they’re ok with what your test results say.  Like I said before, you are just as worthy of love as anyone else.  That means real, supportive love, not someone who thinks they can treat you like crap because you’re afraid you won’t find anyone else.  This goes for friends, romance, and everything in between.  Don’t ever let anyone try to tell you otherwise.  They are wrong and they aren’t worth your time.

Yes, being HIV+ means you are going to lead a very different life from the one you probably imagine.  It’s still a life.  Try not to let fear ruin it.

(via ndelphinus)